Storybook Hero
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: Harry is sure he's living in a fairy tale with himself as the hero. Really, what else makes sense?
1. Chapter 1

**Storybook Hero**

Harry's life just kept getting stranger and finding himself asking the largest person he'd ever seen in his life to magically fix his cousin, while they were stuck on a tiny island during a monsoon in what looked like an old abandoned cabin the day before his 11th Birthday didn't even phase him at this point.

"Can you please change my cousin back?" Harry begged. "I mean, I know he can be a bit much at times; like when he's awake, but he is family and I don't have enough relatives that I can afford to lose anymore, except maybe Aunt Marge, but she'd make a better bulldog than a pig. But seriously, if he gets any more freakish I'm pretty sure a circus is going to kidnap him so please put him back to normal."

Hagrid laughed, "Right you are Harry; you're much more forgiving than I am, but I should have expected as much, given who your parents were." A wave of Hagrid's umbrella restored Dudley, whose very relieved parents quickly ushered him into their room, where they quickly barricaded themselves in.

"So I get to learn magic?" Harry asked eagerly.

"Yep, Albus Dumbledore is the greatest wizard since Merlin himself and he's the Headmaster of Hogwarts. You'll learn to change things into other things; brew potions, cast spells, fly on a broom and raise all sorts of cute little beasties," Hagrid gushed.

"I can't wait!" Harry exclaimed.

Harry had realized years ago that his life made no logical sense. The kids in those after school specials were treated better than he was and their parents ended up in jail on the telly, but the Dursleys never got in trouble. The school had once shown the fairytale Cinderella in class and he'd drawn some disturbing parallel's to his own life, except of course for the fact that she'd had an easier time of it than he had, as she'd clearly been well fed and didn't spend a lot of time locked in a closet. Harry had prayed there were no Princes with glass slippers in his future and he was relieved that instead he merely appeared to be magical, which apparently was a popular enough destiny that they had a school for it.

Some casual questioning of Hagrid – well casual to Hagrid, who wasn't exactly the type to pick up hints or sub text unless a great deal of force and volume was used, showed Harry that yes, even among magical folk his life was abnormal. In fact from all the clues he'd gathered he was pretty sure, lack of an unwanted Prince with a bizarrely specific shoe fetish aside, he was living in a fairy tale.

Seriously, he had the thoroughly repressed childhood (too thoroughly in his opinion) he now had the magical destiny, which apparently was quite popular this year and he was pretty damn sure the mention of the unmentionable one (aka He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named so a plucky young mage can't just look him up in a history book) who killed his parents and vanished was foreshadowing.

Well, one thing was for certain; Harry was going to have to read a lot of stories to figure out what he was supposed to do. The Dursleys keeping him from reading or seeing anything was obviously part of their attempts to hinder him as evil step relatives.

0oOo0

Harry stared at Griphook, who stared back at him a bit unnerved by the small boy who was eying him, considering most wizards either sneered or tried to pretend he was human.

"If I catch you do I get anything?"

"That's leprechauns, all you'll get from me is a thump round the ears."

"Solve your riddle?"

"That's the sphinx for passage past what they're guarding or a date." Griphook rolled his eyes.

"Bribe you with something?"

"Now that's goblins!" Griphook said proudly while Harry took out a note pad.

"Excellent! Do you have a list of prices and services?"

0oOo0

"So, what exactly does brother wands mean and what is the significance of yew and holly?" Harry asked eagerly, startling the old bast … err wandmaker who'd expected a much different reaction from the spooky speech he gave.

"Holly is the wood of life and yew is the wood of death. Brother wands have unusual and mostly unknown effects when facing each other in battle."

"I'm guessing from all the buildup and missing wands and body that nameless is still around, right?"

"He hasn't been seen since and unless he decided to remove and torch his robe I'm pretty sure he's dead," Ollivander replied.

Harry just raised an eyebrow and replied, "Sure he is. So, is there anything else used to cast spells?"

"Well, staves used to be used, but that was mainly because they were harder to break and you could thump people with them. Of course a good sized gem always works, but that's like asking to be robbed and who trusts children to be running around with those?"

"What kind of gems and what affects its use?"

"Any kind of gem as long as it's big enough and not bonded to anything either glue or setting, but the colored gems like rubies and emeralds work best."

"No specific shape?" Harry asked.

"Any shape just big, pure and unbound as far as I know."

"Thanks," Harry said pocketing his notebook and wand.

0oOo0

"You got a lot of questions," Hagrid said admiringly.

"Tons of 'em," Harry replied with a grin. "And the more I find out the more I have."

Hagrid laughed. "Well let's end this trip with a stop for a birthday gift for ya – wait right here!" he said before vanishing into a pet shop and returning with a snowy white owl.

"Wow!" Harry said, completely stunned. "I've never gotten a present before and she is gorgeous!" His new owl preened under the attention.

0oOo0

Harry relaxed, enjoying a comfortable bed for once in his life. Having met the Dursleys, Hagrid was easy to convince to leave him there for the next two weeks.

Yes, Harry had plans for this two weeks and a ton of money from the main Potter Family Vault, available at the bargain price of a thousand gold for a month's access with full rights and information on the rest of the Potter properties- free!

He loved the goblins, they were as dependable as the rock the bank was built from. You got exactly what you paid for with them. 

0oOo0

"One of everything," Harry said cheerfully, "oh and one of those bottomless backpacks to carry them in. I've got a 15% off coupon for first time buyers and I believe you gave me a half off discount for life after the unnamed one died."

"Who do you think you are?" The man laughed. "Harry Potter?"

Harry grinned and lifted his hair revealing his scar.

0oOo0

"You want goblin wards on your backpack?" Griphook asked doubtfully.

"It's bottomless and I'm going to be carrying a lot of valuable stuff in it. See, no one expects a backpack to be all that important which means it's prefect! But just in case I need to make sure it's safe; hence goblin wards."

"We'll need to redo half the charms and replace all the rivets with goblin runed silver," Griphook pointed out. "I'd almost consider it … actually with the amount of work needed I'd be forced to consider it a goblin piece by the time we were done."

"The work would be expensive, but how expensive would the finished product be? Since it's not pure goblin work I'd expect the price to show it," Harry bargained.

"Does it really matter?" Griphook asked. "I mean, it's an insane enough idea that I doubt any of your descendants would need it."

"I want to buy it for four of my lifetimes," Harry replied, thinking of how video games gave you three extra lives.

"Four?"

"Yeah, I get to die four times before I need to return it, but you can put a clause in that if I'm dead for more than one year it's considered done. Come to think of it, can we have it charmed to empty its items into my vault and return to you automatically at the end of my lives?"

"Hmmm, connected to your lifeforce …" Griphook considered the inventing project in detail.

0oOo0

Harry stuck his hand in his backpack and thought about what he wanted and then refined the idea a bit after he felt numerous books brush past his fingers.

Pulling out a thin red book entitled 'Useless rituals and wandless tricks for the easily amused by I.M. Bored' he grinned.

Harry chuckled as he read the list; if he didn't know any better he'd swear the same guy who developed these also wrote the D&D manual on cantrips, except for the fact that you had to go through a ritual to be able to use each one and there were a couple that looked useful for pranks if nothing else.

0oOo0

It took Harry a week to run through all of Diagon Alley and start in on Nocturne Alley. It'd have taken even longer if the nearby muggle bookstores hadn't had such a limited selection of myth and fantasy books for Harry to sort through or he'd known about the knight bus.

His first stop in the 'dark' alley was at the wizard's version of an eye doctor.

"Are there any enchantments you can put on them?" Harry asked the wizard. "You know like seeing magic; seeing through walls, recording what I see, unbreakable, able to see in the dark, able to see behind me, appear on my face at the snap of my fingers if I lose them..."

"That'd double almost triple the price of the glasses. Are you sure you're not just trying to get the enchantment for seeing through clothes?" the mage asked, not wanting to bankrupt the boy just because he happened to be an early bloomer.

"I'm eleven, I didn't even think they had a charm like that," Harry said, shaking his head.

"So you don't want it?"

"Of course I want it now that I know about it, I'm eleven!"

"The more charms on it the longer it takes to master," he warned Harry, thoroughly amused.

"If I'm going to be wearing them for life I'd like for them to be as useful as possible."

"Good point, well I can give you the full package which comes with all the features you want and more, but there's a catch, besides the high price."

"What's the catch?" Harry asked eagerly.

The man dropped what looked to be an unabridged copy of the dictionary on the counter with a thump. "This is the manual."

"I'll take it!" Harry exclaimed with a grin.

0oOo0

"Wow, so that vial right there holds enough to either give the strength of a giant or kill me, with no way to tell which in advance for only 32 galleons, but it's illegal to sell?"

"You've got it kid," the clerk, Stanley Price said amused and wondered if the kid was brave enough to break the law and buy it; not to mention crazy enough to drink it. Not that he'd let him of course. He'd bought the vial to be considered enough in the trade for the locals to trust him.

Harry counted out 35 galleons into a small pouch and tied it closed before flinging it behind the counter and yelling, "Spider!"

When Stanley turned back around he found that Harry had already snatched up the vial. "I'm sorry for killing what was doubtlessly a valuable pet, keep the gold as compensation. I'm taking this, if you don't mind, because you know how tempting money can be and I don't want such a nice man as yourself to get arrested for selling it. In fact I better dispose of it before the temptation to sell it hits me too."

Stanley watched in shock as Harry downed the entire vial in one shot.

"Damn, that was salty!" he said making a face and scraping his tongue against his teeth.

Stanley pulled up his sleeve and looked at his watch and then back at Harry.

"What are you doing?" Harry asked curiously.

"Seeing if you die or not, the longer you last the more likely you are to live," Stanley explained, trying to cover his shock and keep his tough as nails rep intact, while inwardly praying the boy would be okay.

"Cool!" Harry said with an easy smile; he was sure being in the center of a fairy tale meant he wouldn't die unless it was in the middle of a battle with whoever the bad guy in his story was.

0oOo0

"I blame you for driving him insane," Loki said bluntly, glaring at his brother.

"What?" Thor asked offended. "I gave him the standard downtrodden hero package!"

"You did?" Hermes asked stunned. "I thought I was supposed to!"

"If you both added that level of difficulty to his life it's no wonder he's insane," Loki said with a sigh.

Athena snickered. "Considering he's right I don't see how you'd consider him insane."

"Just because he's right doesn't mean he's sane. The truth is pretty insane in this case," Ares offered.

"Enough pressure can turn coal into diamonds." Athena smirked. "I'll hold off on judging his sanity for now."

"You think he'll survive the Re'em blood?" Loki asked, not wanting to interfere more than necessary.

Lady Luck smiled. "He's got lovely eyes and isn't afraid to take a chance; he has my favor in this."

0oOo0

"While we're waiting do you have any books that I might like which are either useful or frowned upon, but not illegal and preferably rare?" Harry asked.

"Only about a ton of them, it is my main stock in trade," Stanley said while shaking his head. "The ministry frowns on any books on foreign magic, because it's A) foreign and B) not personally sanctioned by them. Hell, people invent new spells all the time, but since they have to be ministry tested and approved, at the inventor's cost of course, before they can be legally taught they end up written in personal grimoires and forgotten," the clerk complained about what was obviously a pet peeve of his.

"So, how much to buy all of that?"

"I've been collecting grimoires for about a decade so … about twelve thousand galleons and that'd be eighty percent of my stock," Stanley said with a relieved smile as it looked like the kid wasn't going to die on him.

"What's the other 20% of your stock?" Harry asked curiously.

"The rare duplicate grimoire because a wizard didn't want to chance losing his personal spells so he made a backup and a couple of shelves and cases of minorly illegal items so no one in the alley thinks I'm a snitch. Nothing major, just enough so an auror can put a little pressure on me for a kickback and the neighbors feel comfortable having me around," Stanley replied, his relief making him chatty.

"That sounds like a lot of trouble to go to just to set up a shop."

"Yeah but it all comes up to less than I'd have to pay renting in Diagon, besides I get more buyers and less browsers this way."

Harry nodded. "Well, since I'm going to live I'll take that 80% for twelve thousand, but you'll have to come to the bank with me to get it. No way am I walking around carrying that much on me."

"Do you really think you can afford it?" Stanley asked skeptically.

Harry lifted his hair away from his forehead to show off his scar.

"I guess you can," Stanley said numbly realizing he just might be retiring shortly.

0oOo0

Harry examined the price list for a moment before telling Griphook, "25 thousand galleons please, from the main vault."

"What's the extra for?" Stanley asked curiously.

"Illegal deals that I don't want to bring to the bank," Harry replied cheerfully.

Stanley looked at Harry in confusion. "I can understand the books, they're expensive due to value and rarity not because they're dark or anything and the re'em's blood was useful if long odds, but what kind of illegal deals could you possibly be interested in at your age?"

Harry grinned cockily. "What kind ya got?"

Griphook quickly hid his smile before the humans could notice; the kid was just so adorable!

0oOo0

Stanley decided he had to scare Harry straight so he took him to… The Pens.

Stalwart's House Elves Emporium didn't look like much, it had various elves demonstrating their skills with a couple of young witches vanishing their work or causing messes so they had to redo it right in front of the store, nothing that indicated any nefarious or illegal activity.

Entering the store itself, Harry wondered what was illegal about this place unless owning house elves was illegal, but then they probably wouldn't advertise it the way they were.

"Anything good in the pens?" Stanley asked the wizard behind the counter.

"Buying or selling?" the man asked curiously as he eyed Harry.

"Buying," Stanley replied quickly.

"Sure, come and take a look," the man replied, opening a door behind the counter and waving them through.

Beyond the door was an enormous room that looked like a cross between a barn and a prison with the inmates all being children ranging from a couple of years younger to a couple of years older than Harry himself, not all of them human.

"We have everything from squib to veela; all of them young enough to be trained and I'm happy to say we even managed to get a naga in," the owner said proudly and led them to a cell that looked like it was a zoo designed desert habitat, housing a girl who couldn't have been older than eight the lower half of her very snake-like, holding a stuffed bunny that had fangs and the back legs replaced with the body of a python.

"I heard a really disturbing rumor today," Harry said conversationally as he looked at a way to fix things to his satisfaction.

"Really kid, like what?"

"Well someone got their bribe and got completely pissed as was his habit," Harry began.

The wizard nodded; his contact always got drunk when he paid him.

"Well this young auror wants to make a name for himself and is more than a little bent..."

The wizard nodded, young aurors always thought they could change things and thinks to a number of pranks and slurs a few were always rumored to be gay.

"A little polyjuice and an infatuation potion …"

The wizard froze.

"Dumbledore of course is all for certain changes in law," Harry said leadingly, making it up as he went along to try and encourage a little paranoia.

"They'd never pass," the wizard said, a little worry creeping into his tone.

"Not if certain people were alive to continue bribing others, no … but a little accident in the cells and no one to pour gold on their end … Not that I'm suggesting this is any more than rumors of course, even if the paperwork has already been started..."

"I want to go home," the young naga hissed sadly.

"I'll see what I can do," Harry hissed back, shocking the two wizards.

"You-you're a parseltongue!" the owner stuttered. He'd been well connected to the Death Eaters back in the day and he knew what being a parseltongue meant.

"Yeah!" Harry said with a bright smile. "I thought I'd buy this place off you … say eight thousand galleons?"

The owner didn't even have to think twice; if Voldemort's heir wanted the place he could have it. Especially since he was being generous with gold as well as warning him. "Thank you my lord, eight thousand is quite generous."

"Not a problem, make sure to leave me records of where all the stock was collected from. I'm certain that a few memory charms here and there and a few wandered lambs found, as apparently they were just lost, and all will be forgotten," Harry said cheerfully.

"Just as you say milord!" the man said. "The two girls running the front come with the shop and know where everything is, so if you'll excuse me..."

Harry nodded and the man vanished. The cell opened at his touch and he suddenly found himself in the coils and arms of a young naga who was thanking him profusely.

"I'll have someone make you a portkey and we should have you home before lunch," Harry promised her in parseltongue.

"Ar-are you okay?" Stanley asked nervously. Harry speaking parseltongue had freaked him out a bit, but he was The-Boy-Who-Lived and naga were known to be deadly creatures and seeing Harry in its clutches …

"I'm fine," Harry promised, enjoying his first real hug – and man could naga hug! "Can you get the girls to close the store and bring me someone who can make a portkey and the book for where everyone needs to be returned?"

"Sure," Stanley said feeling a bit surreal about everything.

When the young naga finally released him they went along opening cells and releasing people, including a small veela who apparently understood the situation enough to imitate the naga in response to Harry, all the while speaking rapid fire French that no one else understood.

The humans hung back a little as Harry opened all the cells, afraid of the non-humans while the non-humans followed Harry back toward the entrance when he'd finished freeing everyone.

The two witches were waiting with Stanley, both looked nervous as the crowd came toward them.

"I need a portkey so I can take these two home," Harry said, gesturing with his chin toward the two girls attached to him.

"Yes milord," said the red haired witch as she read from the book the blonde haired witch held open.

"I can delay it a bit at each place before returning you here so you'll be able to get them home," the redhead said holding out a walking stick.

"That'll be fine," Harry said agreeably, encouraging the two girls hanging onto him to grab the stick.

The moment all three grabbed hold of the cane they felt a pull around their navels and vanished.

Portkey travel was a new experience for Harry and not a good one. If not for the girls clinging to him he would have fallen over, as it was the three staggered like a drunken freshman when they landed in the sand.

"Milena!" came a hissing cry from somewhere nearby, echoed by a dozen voices in the area.

"Momma!" the young naga answered.

In moments the three were surrounded by full grown naga and Milena was telling her parents about how Harry had rescued her. Only Harry was pretty sure he didn't recall fighting his way in to free her, declaring his eternal love, or threatening to inject his venom into the slaver if he didn't release her. Emotionally exhausted the young girl fell asleep wrapped around her mother and father.

"I don't suppose we can ask them?" one of the female naga asked in parseltongue.

Harry listened but didn't say much, distracted by all the breasts on display, because apparently naga women didn't believe in shirts.

The little veela said something in French and looked in her shirt and then back to the naga clearly displeased.

"It'd make things simpler," one of the other women admitted, "but I don't speak human tongues and neither do you."

"Good point, Jolker. I'd suggest teaching your daughter about the facts of life, because I really doubt this young human has fangs on his penis that inject poison."

Milena's father blushed as his wife chuckled. "Her normal tall tales get even worse when she adds in the tall tales you use to try and keep her away from boys."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'd notice having fangs on it," Harry hissed in parseltongue, much to the group's shock.

"You speak!" Jolker hissed in surprise.

"Good lord, I do!" Harry faked shock, causing everyone to burst out laughing after a moment.

"So what happened?" Milena's mom asked curiously.

"Somebody kidnapped her and a bunch of other children to sell as slaves; a friend was showing me the place to prove how evil people could be and she told me she wanted to go home. So I promised her I'd do what I could. Took me about five minutes to make the guy paranoid enough to sell everything to me so I could return everyone home," Harry explained.

"No great battle and declaration of undying love?" one of the women snickered.

"No battle except a mental one, which he lost... and no declarations, but Milena is adorable so I just had to rescue her and unless puberty turns out a lot different than I think it will, I doubt I'll grow fangs on my penis."

Before anything else could be said the portkey activated, dropping the two on someone's lawn (a lawn the size of a football field) and Harry fell over, enjoying the cooler air and the fact that the ground wasn't moving.

As he lay on the ground with the little blonde girl sitting on his stomach, chatting excitedly in French, clearly happy to be wherever they were, a series of popping noises surrounded them heralding the appearance of dozens of people, many of whom were in uniform. With a happy cry the little blonde jumped off Harry and practically tackled an older man as Harry laid there with lots of wands pointed at him by some obviously confused officers.

A few moments later a couple of females appeared, the older one receiving the happy young girl while the other who couldn't be older than 14 or so, glared at Harry like he'd done something wrong. The older male growled at Harry and then started spitting out rapid fire French in an angry manner. This went on for some time as Harry watched with some amusement, comfortable where he was, until the teenaged female got angry enough to try and cast something at him.

The little blonde girl had managed to get herself loose at this point and kicked the teen in the shin hard enough to make her cast miss by a mile. Furiously berating them in French, the little girl began telling her story, which started with some sort of battle and from her pointing at Harry and hand motions, had him throwing fireballs.

Harry looked at his palm and slowly filled it with blue fire before dismissing it, and wondered why the girls were claiming such outrageous tales.

'Well at least this one won't involve my penis biting anyone...' Harry thought to himself as the little blonde girl mimed what was obviously a declaration of eternal love and then him threatening someone … with his penis. As half the officers wands now pointed at his crotch and the oldest blonde female was smacking the male in the back of his head, Harry began to wonder if he had in fact done something threatening with his penis. "Next time I go rescuing damsels in distress I'm bringing an interpreter," Harry said aloud just before he vanished.

0oOo0

"For being insane he's done amazingly well," Loki said as they watched Harry.

"Sanity is a bit confining at times," Thor admitted.

Considering he was the god of berserkers, this surprised no one.

0oOo0

"Is there anyone who doesn't want to return home?" Harry asked, figuring that at least a couple of the former slaves had home lives similar, if not nearly as bad, as his own. When about a third raised their hands he was understandably stunned.

**AN: By agreement with Skysaber I will be continuing this in exchange for him continuing some of his work.**

**TN: Typing by Godogma!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Storybook Hero – Chapter 2**

Harry was more than a little shocked at the number who didn't want to go home, but the reasons why made him feel right at home.

"I'm a squib," a platinum blonde teen said miserably. "I was lucky enough to get sold as a slave instead of … I could end up as anything from mistress to maid, but at least I'll have value and get to stay in the magical world."

"Mum never wanted me and wasn't shy about telling me so," a boy several years older than Harry said. "I'm treated better here than I ever was at home and – I get to learn magic! No way do I want to return to the muggle world."

"I'm far less likely to be eaten here!" a girl about his age with four arms and red hair said happily. "A live goat every now and then would be nice though."

"Spider-kin," the blonde witch , Shelly whispered nervously to Harry seeing his confusion. "They have a lot of young but few reach adulthood."

"No eating her everyone," Harry ordered and flipped a house elf a galleon. "Get this girl a goat please."

Harry discovered that much like naga, spider-kin had an advantage over humans when it came to hugging that he quite liked.

Stanley watched in shock as Harry sorted through everyone present, sending home those that wanted to go and keeping those that had good reasons to stay.

"And you want to stay because?" Harry asked a green skinned girl who was apparently a goblin, though she was as cute as Griphook was ugly.

"I'm not from a prominent enough bloodline to be anything but a fifth wife," the girl answered reluctantly. "Even though I passed the tests for home and business finance and almost passed one for diplomatic contracts, as fifth wife all I'll get to do is cook, clean and care for others children. I have more value here and may have children one day. I may even… get to do the family finances."

"You want to be an accountant?" Harry asked curiously.

"To protect and nurture a household's finances is a great honor," the girl said wistfully.

"Put her in charge of the accounts and let her look over everything," Harry told Lisa figuring it'd make the goblin girl happy for now.

"Really?" she asked as she stared into Harry's eyes as if he'd just offered her the keys to Buckingham Palace.

"Really," he assured her just before she swept him up in a hug that popped his back before kissing him and dragging Lisa off to do whatever strange and arcane rituals accountants did to generate money.

With Stanley's help two thirds of the stock was quickly returned home, either obliviated or with secrecy charms in place where needed.

Looking at the remaining third Harry found himself wishing he knew what to do with them, he was a hero right? Well heroes made things better for people, but he didn't know what he could do for people who found slavery better than any other option they had.

He wasn't much for praying as the Dursley's had always told him that God didn't like his kind (without ever telling him what his kind was) but he found himself praying for the wisdom to help them, like Hagrid had helped him.

Suddenly Harry had an idea.

"The whole buying and selling people thing is really sketchy," Harry said. "How about we just switch to indentured servitude contracts?"

"Word them right and no one could tell the difference anyway," Stanley agreed.

"What kind of training does everyone get here?" Harry asked curiously.

"Manners, deportment and cleaning to start," Lisa, the red headed witch replied.

"When they get older … entertainment courses are added," Shelly admitted.

"How about education like at Hogwarts?" Harry asked, her insinuation going over his head.

"Squibs can't learn magic and if we knew too much we could break our binds and escape," she replied.

"Squibs can learn everything but the wanded subjects," Harry disagreed. "I mean, potions is one of the most important jobs in several fields and squibs can do that fine! In fact since they don't need the wanded subjects they could specialize in potions and have a place in the magic world other than being a slave!"

A lot of the 'stock' looked interested in this idea.

"I say we put a potions heavy training course in for those that can't learn stuff that needs a wand and make them potion masters! Just walking around I've heard people complain about the lack of potion masters in England and with a little work we can fill that hole. I want people to start saying things like 'Potions? That's squib's work!' and mean it. Just because they don't have a wand doesn't mean they don't have a place in the world."

It took a while for the cheers to quiet down.

"And those of us with wands?" Shelly asked.

"Expand the training to a full Hogwarts course load. A fully trained witch or wizard could probably make us quite a bit of money just kicking back 5 or 10% of their pay to us until they're ready to buy out their contracts completely."

"Will we still buy people?" Shelly asked.

"Yeah, just legally we're accepting them for training. Money still changes hands but by doing things this way everyone is happier."

0oOo0

All the deities present turned to look at Loki.

"What? All I did was give the boy a little inspiration."

"There's a reason we call him the God of Lawyers," Thor said proudly.

"I thought it was Lord of Lies?" Hermes asked.

"Same difference," Thor said with a shrug.

0oOo0

"Is there anything I've forgotten?" Harry asked.

"Can I have a pillow?" a little boy asked tentatively.

"Yes," Harry said, "make sure everyone has comfortable bedding and Shelly, please make it so the doors lock and unlock from the inside of the cells."

"Not mine!" a young man a couple of years older than Harry spoke up.

"Why?"

"Errr … werewolf," he admitted.

"Okay, but I don't think wolves can unlock cells so it should be fine. Is there anything else?" Harry asked.

"Johnny hurt his leg," a young girl said.

"I'm fine!" Johnny, a young man in his mid-teens said nervously.

Harry turned to Stanley. "Know anyone in the healing business?"

Stanley shrugged. "I haven't seen a healer since Madame Pomfrey in Hogwarts."

"It's between years, let's call her up!" Harry said cheerfully.

0oOo0

*POP!*

"Yes?" Madame Pomfrey asked, seeing an unfamiliar house elf.

"Master Harry be asking if yous be availables to hire to look at peoples," the elf said nervously, wringing the edge of its pillowcase in its hands.

"How many?" she asked, figuring it was a former student asking if she was available to look at his children, which happened at times.

"Spolty be thinking is dozen elfs' fingers."

"How old?" she asked, trying to cover her surprise.

"Half grown and younger."

"Where?" she asked, truly confused at this point.

"House Emporium in Knockturn Alley."

"I'll be there shortly," Madame Pomfrey quickly promised, her blood running cold at the mention of the Emporium. Everyone knew where you disposed of squibs at, even if nothing had ever been proven.

"Thankee!" the elf said before popping out.

Rushing to the floo she quickly tossed in a handful of floo powder. "Minstry of Magic, Amelia Bones Office!"

0oOo0

*POP!*

"Madame be coming soon," the little elf announced.

"Excellent, thank you," Harry said causing the elf to practically explode in happiness before popping out.

"I've removed all prisoner wards and spells keeping people in," Shelly said.

"Hit the local shops for books and toys," Harry said handing her a bag of galleons. "I'm pretty sure there's nothing here for anyone to play with or have fun."

"Whee!" Seline the spider-kin girl called out, as she swung by on a web-line, managing to give Harry a kiss on the cheek before vanishing into the rafters once more.

"Except her," Harry said trying not to blush.

Stanley just shook his head beyond shock. Spider-kin were known for being antisocial dark creatures that fed on human flesh. They weren't cute little girls with crushes and speaking of crushes, it was a good thing Harry had drank that Re'em blood or several of the hugs he'd gotten from various non-humans would have crushed him.

The overjoyed goblin girl whose name turned out to be Shank-ko had briefly written up contracts for everyone to sign while rearranging the corporate structure of Harry's House Elf Emporium and had hugged Harry so hard that his back had popped despite the Re'em blood.

Stanley just watched as Harry Potter freed slaves and improved lives while (if Shank-ko's grin was a good indicator) creating a profitable business.

Stanley signed several pieces of parchment that were placed in front of him in the mistaken belief that they were secrecy agreements.

0oOo0

Amelia Bones' gaze swept over the row of aurors in front of her. "I expect you all to remain silent and unobserved until the signal is given. If anyone happens to screw this up it'll be a three drop internal, understood?"

"Ma'am, yes Ma'am!" came the chorus.

"Now, Auror Tonks, who has just graduated from the Academy mind you, will be accompanying Madame Pomfrey inside. As soon as she sees enough evidence to act on she'll signal Shacklebolt. Stunners and shields only – the place is filled with children. Are there any questions?"

"Ma'am, no Ma'am!" they chorused.

"Gray in, red out!" she ordered, changing her robe to gray. "Let's move!"

0oOo0

Madame Pomfrey sipped a calming potion before passing it to Tonks. "Bottom's up."

Tonks downed the potion and returned the empty vial. "Thanks." she said before shifting into what she imagined the young Madame Pomfrey looked like. "I can't believe they finally screwed up by inviting someone reputable in."

"More than likely they simply didn't phrase things the right way and the elf took advantage of the situation," Madame Pomfrey said.

"Note to self; never anger the elves," Tonks said, checking the emergency portkey she wore.

0oOo0

"I'll need authorization so I can deposit money in your account," Shank-ko admitted handing Harry a piece of parchment.

Harry wrote a few lines before signing it and handing it back to the young goblin, who read it and quickly put up the hood of her robe to cover her blush.

Shank-ko grabbed Lisa's hand and drug the red headed witch off once more.

0oOo0

"Is that Rita Skeeter?" Preston whispered, spotting the reporter and her camera-man hiding in the mouth of a dark alley.

"How does she keep finding out what's going on?" Logan whispered back.

"Doesn't matter," Scrimgeour replied. "When Shacklebolt gives the signal I want us to hit the door first. Shack doesn't have enough experience to be the first in and as long as we're in the best position he won't raise a stink."

The three gray cloaked aurors moved a bit closer to Harry's Emporium, pretending to window shop.

0oOo0

Shelly had sent out several house elves to fill Harry's order and cleaned out one of the back rooms to house toys and extra bedding. After putting one of the older girls in charge of making sure everything was passed out she returned to Harry's side. "Better bedding and toys are being passed out," she told him before being distracted by a knock at the door. "Be right back."

0oOo0

"Let the first test commence!" Odin announced.

Athena frowned. "I thought he already passed the first test by freeing all the slaves and returning those that wanted to go home?"

Odin shrugged. "He now has to keep them safe from the 'good guys' who would return them to their former lives much to their detriment but 'let the first test, part B begin' just doesn't sound the same."

"Good point," Thor chimed in.

"Thank the creator I'm adopted," Loki muttered.

0oOo0

An hour passed with no signal from Tonks, making Shacklebolt more than a little nervous; Tonks should have seen more than enough to call them in by now.

After another five minutes he gave the signal to pass the word to Bones that there was a problem. Unfortunately Rufus' team didn't bother to check what he was signaling just that he was signaling and rushed the door.

"Shit!" Shacklebolt cursed and signaled everyone to move in.

Gray robes became red, scattering the crowd of shoppers, most of whom had good reasons to avoid auror notice, as they stormed the building.

Inside was a madhouse as children screamed and fled or threw things at the red robed wizards who had invaded their home.

Shelly had been stunned the moment she answered the door, which was probably a good thing as she'd been trampled by aurors a second later; snapping her wand and her left arm.

Stanley was the next to go down as a trio of stunners hit him while he was staring in shock.

The 'slavers' dealt with, the aurors started stunning the panicking children.

"We're all skin and bones!" Seline yelled trying to drag Harry someplace safe. "We probably taste lousy!"

A stunner to the chest dropped her like a marionette with the strings cut.

"Seline!" Harry yelled.

0oOo0

"Get a good shot of their forced entry," Rita ordered her camera-man.

Bozo ignored her with the ease of long practice as he snapped off several shots, moving out of the alley to get a better angle.

The front window of the Emporium exploded as a red robed wizard went through it, tumbling across the cobblestones.

A dark haired boy leapt through the window after him. The wind blowing back his hair and revealing a scar shaped like a lightning bolt on his brow, just before an auror popped up from inside the store and nailed him in the back of the head with a stunner, knocking him to the ground.

"Please tell me you got that?" Rita begged.

"I got that," Bozo swore as they watched in shock as the Boy-Who-Lived slowly got back up, fire dripping from his right hand only to be stunned again; this time by both the aurors at once which dropped him to the ground.

"Was it just me or was his right hand on fire?" Bozo asked.

"It looked like he was forming a fireball like a veela!" Rita said excitedly. "How does this sound for a headline? Boy-Who-Lived to become a male veela?"

**AN: Typing by Godogma.**

**AN2: Next chapter: The great escape!**


	3. Chapter 3

"Report!" Bones demanded once they'd sealed the scene from outside access and cleared it of any civilians.

"Not receiving any communications from Tonks in over an hour I signaled for word to be sent to you for orders," Shacklebolt reported.

"I got overeager and jump the gun," Rufus interrupted. "Shack gave the go sign to keep things from going to hell after my screwup."

Rufus was known to be bucking for Amelia's job, so hearing him take responsibility for screwing up was more than a little surprising.

"And then?"

"Some of the slaves are nonhuman children, several of which are potentially dangerous," Rufus said. "I saw a spider kin dragging off a young boy and stunned her. I thought she might be taking advantage of the confusion for a snack. Apparently I was mistaken and he was her brother, because the boy attacked me like an enraged troll and sent me through the plate glass window with a single punch. It took stunners from both me and Logan to take it down. The rest of the operation ran like clockwork under Shacklebolt's command."

"Glad to hear it," Amelia said. "Shacklebolt, good job. Rufus you're with me, everyone else dismissed!"

Rufus waited for the dressing down he'd rightfully earned, but instead Amelia gave him an approving nod. "To be a proper leader you have to be willing to take responsibility for not only the flawless operations, but for the clusterfucks as well."

"Yes ma'am," he agreed.

"You'll be pulling double shifts for a week," she said, "unofficial punishment, which will keep the troops happy and not leave a black mark on your record."

"Yes, ma'am," Rufus said relieved.

"Officially you'll be auditing the night watch with an eye towards joining it."

Rufus winced. While no one could be forced to join the night watch she could make his life hell until he joined them willingly to get out from under her thumb.

Amelia smirked. "Jacobs is thinking of retiring."

Rufus perked up, not having heard that the head of the night watch was on his way out before.

"Everyone who's sat in my chair has spent at least a year in his position. I myself did five years, though I believe the average's four. Something to think about."

"Yes ma'am," he replied.

* * *

><p>"Why didn't you signal us?" Shacklebolt asked Tonks as he discovered her working with Madame Pomfrey, checking the children for injuries before sending them on.<p>

"Because I didn't find anything illegal," Tonks growled her hair turning red in irritation. "The changes were probably made just before we got there, but all of the children were free of control spells and their cells could only be locked from the inside."

"You've got to be kidding me," he begged.

"Betty is already attacking the paperwork and she said it looks like the place just changed hands and the new owner was making everything legit."

"How were they going to make slavery legal?" Shacklebolt demanded.

"By changing it to indentured service contracts to pay for training," Tonks replied. "Madame Pomfrey even got some of the children talking and they said everyone who wanted to go home was sent home, the only children still here were those that wanted to stay."

"Wanted to stay?" he asked in shock. "What in the hell could make them want to stay here?"

"This place is better than their homes in some cases, like the mixed breeds and some of the muggleborn. Others either have no home or feared death should they return, mostly squibs."

Shacklebolt winced.

"Yeah," Tonks agreed.

"Shit!" Shacklebolt cursed. "I've got to report this to Bones."

* * *

><p>Harry woke up slowly finding himself being held by Seline who was humming a song he didn't recognize as they relaxed in a hammock. "What'd I miss?" he asked.<p>

"The aurors took everyone away," Seline said. "Since we are dangerous we got put in jail."

"This is more comfortable than my bed at home," Harry said. "If this is their idea of prison chain me to the wall."

"It's not that fun," a voice said and Harry opened his eyes and looked around. He and Seline were in a silk hammock in a prison cell that would have been out of place in the Middle Ages and the half-giant boy, Billy was chained to the wall. A quick examination showed that Seline had managed to break her chains so she was just wearing rune engraved manacles on her wrists and Harry's chains had been ripped from the wall and were covered in spider silk for some reason.

"I couldn't break your chains," Seline admitted, "they're much tougher than mine, so I wrapped them in silk so that wouldn't rattle."

"And they put the strongest chains on Billy," Harry said.

"He's got the weakest," she corrected him.

"Then why is he still chained up?"

"I didn't want our Bones used to make bread," she said firmly.

"I keep telling her Jack and the beanstalk isn't real, but she won't believe me," Billy replied. "I haven't broken my chains because people always get upset when I break things," he admitted.

"Well if you don't break them, I will," Harry said. "Because I don't feel like staying in a cell, though I am going to take this hammock because it's really comfortable."

"I made it," Seline said proudly.

"Okay, then I'm taking Seline because she makes really great hammocks and Billy, as long as he promises not to do any baking," Harry teased.

Billy placed his right hand over his heart, snapping the chain on his right arm. "I promise – whoops!"

* * *

><p>Bones rubbed her temples. "Are you telling me that we raided a place that wasn't doing anything illegal?"<p>

"Yes boss," Shacklebolt said with a wince.

"Rufus pay close attention to what I do now," Bones said. "There are ways to cover your ass that don't require sacrificing loyal aurors."

"Yes ma'am," Rufus said.

"First we minimize the damage; Tonks grab the aurors on site and tell them to repair and put to rights everything, returning the house elves to the shop should help with that."

"Yes ma'am," Tonks said before racing off.

"Shacklebolt, there were no major injuries or deaths, correct?"

"No ma'am, just a few broken Bones and most of those were among the aurors."

"Normally I'd rather hear the opposite, but in this case it works in our favor," Bones said. "Find out where the person in charge of the emporium is and let me know."

"Yes ma'am," Shacklebolt said before heading out.

"Delegating not only speeds up the job it helps train your aurors," Bones said. "One of the biggest mistakes you can make is trying to do everything yourself because that leads to burnout and nobody else knowing how to do their jobs."

"Yes ma'am," Rufus said giving in to the urge to start taking notes.

"Tonks is a trainee so most of the tasks I assign her will be just above gopher level so she can observe every facet of the job and familiarize herself with procedures and her fellow aurors. Shacklebolt is almost ready for your rank only requiring some seasoning and experience. Only a handful of aurors will ever reach that level. That's why I put him in charge of this operation and will be using him as my go-to guy for the next six months so he'll be a solid second-in-command."

"Yes ma'am," Rufus said taking notes.

"Normally Jacobs would fill my spot when, I retire but he's been making sounds of retirement to spend time with his grandchildren, and I can understand that. My niece Susan is entering Hogwarts, I plan on being retired before she graduates or at the very least in a almost retired position as a reserve auror or something similar."

"Yes ma'am," Rufus agreed.

"Pay careful attention to how I handle the man whose business we just raided and be sure not to show surprise, I'll be questioning you on what you've learned afterwards."

"Yes ma'am," Rufus said.

* * *

><p>Stanley leaned back in his chair and put his feet up. The cell he was given was actually better furnished than his house, it certainly had a superior wet bar, which had done a lot the calm his nerves. He blew a puff of smoke at the ceiling and relaxed. Apparently someone had mistaken him for whoever was in charge and had put him in the rich pureblood cell. Well he might as well enjoy it until they straighten things out and released him. He was pretty sure he was just caught in this sweep.<p>

***Knock knock***

"Come in," he called out reflexively realizing he'd dozed off.

Madame Bones entered along with one of her assistance. "Good evening Mr. Price, I trust you've been treated well."

"Very much so," he agreed. "And please, call me Stanley."

"Then I must insist you call me Amelia," she replied.

"If you're sure it's not disrespecting your station," he agreed politely.

"It's fine," she assured him. "Everything's been repaired and the children are being looked over at Saint Mungos. I'm rather pleased with how this training raid turned out and you'll be happy to know the Emporium got a clean bill of health. I have to say we really admire how you've turned it around into a legitimate enterprise. If you ever need to schedule another raid on your store for any reason let us know."

"Why thank you," Stanley replied cheerfully, "but really it's Harry's property and his idea, so all the credit should go to him."

"Harry?" Amelia asked.

"Harry Potter," Stanley replied. "He took one look at the Emporium and decided to make it a place that the residents would love rather than hate."

"Wouldn't Harry Potter be a bit young to do all that?" Amelia asked doubtfully.

"I thought that too," Stanley agreed, "until I saw him in action. He turned the place upside down with just a few words, even had a little spider kin girl eating out of the palm of his hand."

"What does he look like?" Rufus asked cautiously.

"He looks a bit younger than he is," Stanley said, "messy black hair, green eyes, very friendly kid, not stuck up like you'd expect, but very certain about his place in the world."

"Let's go collect him," Amelia said leading Stanley out of his cell.

* * *

><p><strong>*Wham*<strong>

Billy rubbed his fist. "That is a really strong door."

"As strong as my chains?" Harry asked, getting an idea.

"Probably," Billy agreed as Harry's chains had proven impervious to anything the three could do.

Harry wrapped his chains around his fists and punched the door as hard as he could; the silk Seline had coated the chains with cushioning his knuckles.

***Boom***

The door wasn't scratched, but the wall around it had developed a few cracks.

"That was loud," Seline said. "Do it again!" she cheered.

Harry grinned and Billy stepped up beside him so they can hit it at the same time.

***Ba-Boom!***

The door remained completely intact, thanks to the exemplary and extensive enchantments used on it, as it flew across the hall and slammed into the opposite wall.

***Whoop whoop!***

An alarm sounded loudly.

"Where'd they put everyone else?" Harry asked, wishing he had his wand with him.

"We'll have to find them!" Seline exclaimed.

Billy picked up the door. "This is a really solid door."

Several aurors appeared and cast stunners.

Selena shrieked and dodged, some of them ricocheting off her manacles. Seeing that she began to grin.

Billy used the doors a shield and found it blocked the spells easily.

Harry ducked behind Billy, pulling Seline with him. "You won't catch us that way twice!"

* * *

><p><strong>Earlier...<strong>

Lisa stiffened, eyes wide in shock.

"What's wrong?" Shank-ko asked, looking up from the form she was filling out Gringott's lobby in front of an impatient teller.

"The wards at the Emporium just reported an auror raid," Lisa said quietly so the words wouldn't carry.

"But everything's been changed so it was above board," Shank-ko protested, not caring who heard.

Lisa winced. "They just stunned Harry, several times. I don't suppose we could convince the goblins to help bust him out?"

"Maybe if he was my intended and I was of a star line," Shank-ko said a touch bitterly.

"Star line?" Lisa asked.

"Let's just say Princess and leave it at that," the goblin girl said knowing humans didn't handle matters the same way goblins did.

Rip'snort the accounts manager raised an eyebrow. "Are you saying the aurors have assaulted Harry Potter unlawfully?"

"As far as I know," Shank-ko agreed.

Rip'snort waved over Griphook. "You've dealt with Potter, did he buy any protection?"

"He actually bought maximum vault protection plus," Griphook said his eyes lighting up. "He even checked the box to donate a tenth of a percent of his vault's interest to the crèche upgrade fund.

"He submitted paperwork putting this young goblin in charge of his finances."

"Sounds reckless," Griphook said with a frown.

"She's certified," Rip'snort said.

"She certainly no looker, so she's got to have something going for her," Griphook said, feeling justified once more than Harry knew what he was doing.

"Actually according to human standards of beauty she's in the top ten percent," Lisa said with a growl when it became obvious Shank-ko wasn't going to defend herself.

"So while we wouldn't consider her much, to a human she'd represent a definite improvement to their genetic stock," Rip'snort said thoughtfully.

"The Potter family has been pretty good about keeping their line strong and avoiding the inbreeding a lot of wizards have suffered from," Griphook pointed out.

"He would be considered a star line," Rip'snort agreed. "Experimental of course and he has bought max protection plus."

Griphook begin to grin. "He gave her full vault access, so if of age they'd be considered married by goblin law."

"She's not of a star line to us, but we could just call her a Princess to denote she is of star line for human bloodlines," Rip'snort said with a matching grin.

"What are they talking about?" Lisa asked.

"War with the ministry," Rip'snort answered with a toothy grin. "They've stolen the Princess' intended."

* * *

><p>"This day cannot possibly get any worse," Tonks said as the alarm blared and a young spider kin reflected stunners back by bouncing them off the magic proof manacles she was wearing.<p>

Concentrated fire from half a dozen orders finally took out the little redhaired girl as even with four arms she couldn't block six spells at once, but then the boy with the messy black hair darted out from behind the door they were using as a shield and kissed her, waking her up.

"That worked?" she exclaimed.

"True love's kiss," another auror replied.

"What?" Tonks asked in shock.

An older female auror laughed. "The younger you are the better it works. Children love easily, but as we age and get more hardened it becomes harder and harder to make that connection."

"That's why we separate young couples but not older ones?" Tonks asked as the aurors watch the three kids peak at them over the edge of the door they were hiding behind.

"Nah, we assume they'll wake each other up just in case, we separate the younger ones cause we're tired of walking in on couples going at it. Excitement, fear, boredom; they make young adults randy."

"Stunners aren't working and I'm sure as hell not authorized or willing to use anything stronger on children," an auror said. "Anyone have any ideas?"

Tonks shivered. "Why is it so cold in here?"

"Shit!" an auror replied, fear in his expression. "Dementors!"

* * *

><p>"Did anyone think to give him some way of handling Hel's handmaidens?" Odin asked.<p>

"I did," Thor said proudly.

"Oh, me," Odin groaned as did quite a few of the watchers.

"This isn't like what you did to Shinji, is it?" Loki asked.

"Not completely..." Thor admitted. "I left off eating bits of your foe to gain their power, since so many people complained about it last time."

"So, just berserk dismemberment?" Loki asked.

"When faced with mental attacks he'll go berserk," Thor agreed.

"All mental attacks?" Odin asked, staring at his son.

Loki sighed. "I can already see where this is going, I'll write up a prophecy."

* * *

><p>Trelawney sat up, eyes widened unseeing. "There's a little black spot on the sun today-."<p>

Flitwick hit her with a wandless sleep charm without waking up.

* * *

><p>"I delivered a prophecy to the headmaster seer giving him fair warning," Hermes said humming a song that he'd heard on the radio and had been stuck in his head all day.<p>

"Did anyone else 'gift' our young hero?" Odin asked.

"I gave him nimble fingers so he could get in and out of tight spots," Hermes said, being the God of thieves it was a small enough boon that no one could complain.

"Same here," Aphrodite smirked. "And for much the same reasons."

Odin groaned. It was looking to be one of those millennium.

**AN: God bless Dragon Naturally Speaking!**


	4. Chapter 4

The hallway became crowded with silver forms, as everyone that could sent their Patronus to try and protect the three children. Unfortunately, the unprecedented number of Patroni in such a small space actually pushed the Dementors towards the children.

"Shit!" Amelia Bones summed up the situation succinctly.

"This can not get any worse," Fudge said, paling as he realized he was going to go down in history as the minister who murdered the Boy-Who-Lived.

Corporeal Patroni began to explode into clouds of silver mist as something tore through them, creating an impenetrable fog, just before a couple of high-pitched screams rang out.

"The children!" an Auror said in horror.

"Now, things could not get any worse," Fudge corrected himself.

The sounds of hundreds of booted feet marching in step reached them, getting louder and louder as they approached.

"Minister Fudge, if you say that one more time..." Amelia began.

"A goblin army is approaching!" someone called out from the rear.

Amelia sighed. "You can think it, just don't say it."

Fudge whimpered.

The clang of jangling keys, to remind the wizards who had whose wealth locked up, sounded as the goblin General K'han approached wearing silver scale mail and carrying a spiked war hammer, a young goblin female at his side and an army of goblins behind him. "You have kidnapped the princess's intended," he announced. "Return him or die!"

A Dementor exited the fog at a run, screaming like a little girl. A chain shot out of the mist to wrap around its ankles and drag it back as it clawed ineffectually at the floor. A couple of seconds later, as everyone stared, a pair of Dementors were launched out of the fog to slam against the ceiling and crash to the ground where they staggered to their feet. A small form leapt out of the fog and onto a Dementor, knocking it to the ground once more where it wrapped one of the chains dangling from its arms around the Dementor's throat and with its feet on its back, began to pull. The other Dementor backed into the wall, clearly terrified.

"Can I say it now?!" Fudge begged.

***POP!***

Harry Potter roared, which in other circumstances would've sounded cute, like a kitten pretending to be a lion, however the Dementor's head in his hands made it seem a bit more impressive. Seeing Harry turn towards it, the other Dementor stiffened up, grabbed its chest, and gave the worst performance ever seen of a man faking a heart-attack before collapsing to the ground. Harry nudged the 'corpse' with his foot a few times before the tension went out of him and he straightened up from the animalistic half-crouch he'd been in.

"Harry?" Shank-ko asked, hoping he'd recovered from his berserk state.

"Shank-ko?" he asked slowly, still recovering.

"Harry?" a voice asked from the fog as a pair of preteen prisoners slowly approached, using their cell door as a shield.

"Seline, Billy?" he asked. "Err, sorry about that," he apologized. "I just felt them in my head and it made me so angry."

"Harry!" Seline squealed, seeing he was back to normal, and rushed to him.

An Auror began to raise his wand, but Rufus grabbed his arm. "Before you point your wand at that girl, consider what your neck strength is in comparison to a Dementor's."

"Isn't she dangerous?" the Auror whispered, as Harry was sandwiched between two girls checking him for injury.

"Not more dangerous than him when she's threatened."

"Shouldn't we be escaping?" Billy asked moving the door between them and the Aurors.

"I forgot" Harry admitted. "Everyone act non-chalant and sneak out through the goblins."

"What's that mean?" Billy asked.

"Be sneaky and act like nothing's wrong," Shank-ko explained.

Keeping the door between them and the Aurors, the three whistled three different tunes and crept towards the goblin lines.

Shank-ko turned to K'han. "At least he's an impressive warrior."

K'han turned to Fudge. "You're just going to let him walk out?"

Fudge smiled. "Let who walk out?"

"Harry Potter, who you arrested illegally?" k'han asked. He'd been looking forward to at least a little bloodletting, even if marching through Diagon Alley in force had served its purpose of reminding the wizards of the goblins' strength.

"Where's your proof?" Fudge demanded.

"What's all this then?" K'han asked, waving his arm around.

"Fire drill," Fudge replied.

"And, my friends still in cells?" Shank-ko asked.

"Testing the cells' security, for 5 galleons each," Fudge said.

"Fifty!" she snapped out.

"Twenty!"

"Thirty five and a favor to be named later!"

"Deal!" Fudge grabbed her hand.

K'han chuckled and decided to let Fudge save face. "You won this time, human!"

Fudge looked smug while the goblins retreated. "Bones, you've got clean-up. I don't want the records to show a hint about what happened here. As far as everyone is concerned, it's a fire drill."

"Yes sir," Bones said. "Drills and testing, as realistic as possible, before that new pay increase for Aurors we were talking about."

Fudge froze and considered that, deciding he could see several ways to make that work for him, he nodded. "Spotless," he said as he left.

**0o0o0o0o0o0**

"It's not often a human is brought before me in chains," K'han joked in Gringotts as the goblins celebrated.

"You call them chains, I call them weapons that can't be taken from me," Harry said cheerfully. "At least, according to your armorer they can't be taken from me."

K'han turned to Kr'Ature. "No luck removing them?"

"Vanish all the bones in his wrists and we may be able to slip them off," the goblin armorer replied. "Then again, we might not. It's impossible to tell what the original enchantments were, as he's channeled a lot of magic through them and they're impregnated with a combination of Dementor blood and...I'm guessing, solidified Patroni. Until today, I didn't even know Dementors could bleed, much less that you could impregnate metal with corporeal Patroni particles."

Selena cheerfully wove silk around the chains, strapping them to Harry's arms and coiling the extra around Harry's waist.

"And her manacles?" K'han asked.

"She wouldn't let us remove them," Kr'Ature replied.

"It took half a dozen Aurors casting at once to stun her while she was using them to block spells," Harry pointed out as Seline started weaving a shirt on him.

K'han nodded, impressed. "See if you can make them look like jewelry, so no-one questions them."

"I'll get right on that, sire."

"And the door?" he asked, seeing Billy still carrying their cell door.

"We put some straps on it so he can use it as a shield," the goblin armorer explained. "He's decided to keep it."

"If they lock you in a cage, turn the bars into weapons," K'han quoted.

"What's that from?" Harry asked curiously.

"Goblin history," K'han said proudly.

Harry wasn't sure, but it sounded like either the beginning of a side-quest or important background data to him. "Really? Tell me more."

**AN: Typing by Lucilla!**


	5. Chapter 5

"We goblins are creatures of the earth," K'han explained. "The first goblins were born into a realm of earth and fire, birthed from the rivers of lava that flow up from the very bones of the earth itself. Back then goblins could move through stone like you could water, as we are creatures of earth and fire."

The goblins listened intently while their leader spoke.

"It was a paradise," he said reverently. "We goblins spent our time crafting guns and drawing veins of heavy metal in the layers of rock. We did not walk on the surface and we avoided large bodies of water for comfort reasons, not because we couldn't cross these boundaries. In fact there was only one single solitary thing that could stop us, a living metal that acted like water raining down cracks through the rock until the pressure and the heat caused it to evaporate back into the upper reaches only to rain down again."

"Goblin silver," Kr'Ature said.

"Not yet," K'han corrected. "A large group of goblins found themselves stuck, as a shift in tectonics saw the mountain range they were in surrounded by a forest of living metal. Driven to the upper reaches goblins were discovered by humans and you know how humans are."

"We fear what we don't know, and what we fear, we hate and what we hate… we destroy," Harry said solemnly.

"What?" the goblin leader asked confused. "No, humans aren't like that at all."

"We're not?" Harry asked.

"No, every time you meet a new species you war for a bit, to get everyone's blood pumping, and then the next thing you know there are half human hybrids everywhere!" K'han snorted.

"What?!" Harry stared in shock.

"You humans mate with anything and everything! Whenever you run across a new hybrid of some sort you can be damn sure a humans been involved!"

"My father was human," Billy admitted.

"So was mine," Seline added.

"The giants are half human to begin with," K'han said shaking his head. "I have no idea what humans jumped to create them, but they did it enough to create a stable species once more. We keep careful track of our bloodlines so humans can't breed us out of existence. It doesn't take too much more human blood to turn a goblin warren into a dwarven mine."

"Can we get back to the story please?" Harry begged.

"Sure," K'han said calming down. "Anyway the half human goblins didn't suffer any discomfort from being on the surface or in the water and while they couldn't walk through stone the living metal was easy for them to handle. These new goblins tamed the living metal and turned it into one of our greatest weapons."

"Great," Harry said with a forced smile, positive that if this was a side quest he was much too young deal with it at the moment.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Everyone turned to Aphrodite.

"Partially my fault, but I like to blame my father for all the hybridization, he blazed the path for everything that followed," she explained. "Besides I deal with love, the emotional connection, not the physical expression."

Everyone turned to Eros.

"I'm not apologizing."

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Harry returned to the emporium amidst cheers and applause from the residents.

"I can't believe you not only managed to escape from jail, but got the aurors to pay for damages and makes repairs," Shelly said in awe.

Harry waved, rattling his chains, before remembering to put them away. A quick flick of the wrist caused the goblin runed chains to withdraw into his cuffs which themselves shrunk into bracelets. "They had no choice, we're legit," the young wizard said proudly.

It took nearly an hour for all of the former slaves to get a turn checking to see Harry was alright before turning in.

"I can't believe you put me in charge of all this," Stanley said.

Harry grinned. "I figured you'd need a new job, since I'd put you out of business. Plus, you should have enough connections to wholesale potion supplies for us, because we're going to need tons!"

"I do actually," Stanley said thoughtfully.

"How do you apply to Hogwarts," Harry asked Stanley, jumping to a new subject.

"You don't apply, an owl just shows up with your acceptance letter telling you you're in," Stanley explained.

Harry frowned. "That won't work for me. Seline and Billy are obviously a part of my party." Suddenly it occurred to him Shank-Ko was too.

"Can they even do magic?" Stanley asked.

Seline and Billy shrugged.

"I think we need wands to find out," Billy offered.

"Shank-Ko," Harry called out, attracting her attention. "Do you want to attend Hogwarts?"

Shank-Ko frowned. "Too many pureblood bigots and I have too much goblin blood to legally own a wand. I'll stick with goblin magic."

OK, well let's go bug the creepy wandseller. He'll know," Harry decided.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Ollivander was surprised to see Harry return to his shop in such strange company. "Back so soon, Mr. Potter?"

"I need to get wands for Seline and Billy," Harry explained.

"Billy is no problem, as I do have a selection of wands I designed myself to match any half giant customers I may receive, however I have never created a wand for a spider-kin before and while it is not technically illegal, that's probably because the Wizengamot never dreamt anyone would ever do so," the old wandmaker confided.

"I'll pay for a custom wand," Harry said cheerfully.

Ollivander chuckled. "Very well, we'll start with Billy and then move on to Seline."

Unlike Harry's search, Billy's first try sent a fountain of gold and blue sparks in the air.

"Sixteen and a half inches, iron wood, with a core of unicorn mane hairs. While it is excellent for curses and blasting it will excel in any spells involving stone," Ollivander explained. "Due to size and amount of materials it's eighty-five galleons."

"I was being sold for less than that," Billy said, surprised at the cost.

"You're worth a thousand times that amount," Harry assured him cheerfully, setting a bag of galleons on the counter. "We'll need a wand holster and a care kit as well."

"I have a wand holster for it, but since it's iron wood it doesn't need a care kit, just take it in the shower with you," Ollivander explained. "And might I ask why you are carrying a door with you?"

"It's handy to hide behind," Billy said cheerfully.

"I see," Ollivander said in a tone that said he didn't. Turning to Seline he smiled a bit nervously. "Which of the four is your wand hand?"

Seline shrugged. "Any of the four and I can probably use my feet!"

Ollivander frowned. "I'm going to have to resort the spells," he decided pulling out his own wand, which looked to be wood bleached white by the sun and curved like a unicorn's horn.

It took a dozen spells and nearly half an hour before Ollivander determined it to be Musa Sapientumwood. At the children's blank stare he sighed. "Wood from a banana tree," he explained.

"Ahhh," they chorused.

"For a core… I'll need something personal, organic, and with a strong emotional connection to enhance her connection to the core."

Seline handed Harry what looked like a pearl. "Suck on it till it gets soft and then chew on it a bit," she told him popping one into her mouth.

Ollivander grimaced and looked away.

After a minute, Seline accepted the chewed up 'pearl' from Harry and added it to her own, mixing them together and stretching and folding them over until she had a number of strands of silk that she handed to Ollivander.

"Give me an hour," Ollivander told them.

"Okay, see you then," Harry said.

"What do we do now?" Billy asked once they left the shop.

"We need to get you two uniforms," Harry said. "Hogwarts has a dress code."

"I can't wear dresses," Seline complained.

"Why not?" Billy asked.

"When I hang upside down they get in the way," she explained.

"They probably have charms to prevent that," Harry said. "If not, I'll see if I have something in my backpack."

The three entered Madam Malkin's.

"Back so soon?" Madam Malkin asked, casting a calming charm on herself when she saw Harry had a spider-kin with him. Rumors about Harry having a pet spider-kin had already spread through the alley and most wizards and witches only knew of the extremely dangerous man-eaters from stories that ended with the loss of a wizard. Only the fact that it was not fully grown and was escorted by Harry kept her calm enough to cast a calming charm.

"I need Hogwarts uniforms for Seline and Billy," Harry explained, "and Seline's robes need an enchantment that prevents them from falling in her face when she's hanging upside down."

Madam Malkin smiled as that was a topic she was familiar with. "That would be part of our modesty charms line we have for young ladies, though I know of at least one wizard who had it put on his robes for some reason."

"Have them add it to your robes and you can go swinging with me," Seline said excitedly.

"And mine," Billy said embarrassed. "They don't make boys underwear my size and girls are always trying to peek under my robe when I wear one."

"And underwear for Billy too," Harry added.

"We'll start with you, if you'll come this way," Madame Malkin told Seline.

Seline looked nervously towards Harry who took one of her hands and led her behind the screen, knowing she was still nervous about being alone with around strange adults because she didn't want to get eaten.

"I'll get you a scarf," Madam Malkin told Harry, to preserve Seline's privacy while she was getting fitted.

"A black silk one!" Seline said, remembering a picture book with pictures of a pirate wearing a silk scarf on his head.

"That'll work," Harry agreed as Seline tied the scarf around his head leaving his eyes uncovered.

Madam Malkin pulled it down over Harry's eyes with a smirk.

Harry just shrugged, his glasses let him see through clothing anyway.

**Typing by: Bankrupt Samurai!**


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